Hesitation, apprehension and doubt, Oh My....

Last night was my "graduation" from the WA CASH entrepreneur class. We had a sales contest, food, an overview of the class and the presentations of our certificates. Stuart our leader for the class had a list of three things he wanted us to answer. When it came time for me to stand up and get my certificate and speak, well it went something like this....

Stuart introduced me and said that he was happy to know someone who had been on TV in reference to my story on the local news. I think I thanked him but the rest is a blur because at that moment it came over me so hard and fast like the waves at Waimea on the North Shore Oahu in February. I lost it, me the one who could get up and give a great elevator speech, me who can talk about yoga until the cows come home, me who usually is never at a loss for words, me who teaches multiple yoga classes a week in front of groups of people. I turned into a blubbering idiot due to that wave of "Oh my god I just realized how far I have come in nine short weeks!"

When I walked through the doors for that first class nine weeks ago I was hesitant and apprehensive about being there. I had to come a long way each week to get there, 45 minutes each way and I felt that I knew a lot about business and what I wanted to do. I was doubtful that I would get enough to make the investment of time and my limited funds to continue. I went because my friend Judy told me I should contact the Worksource people and when I did a lovely woman named Carolyn talked to me for some time and told me she could help me find a job but she felt I was headed in the right direction and that she felt that the class with Stuart would do me good. After that first class as I was driving home I realized just how juiced I was from attending and getting up to give my elevator speech that first night I did pretty great for a first run and on the fly. I know my product, I know my services and well I spend a lot of time talking to people while I teach so I am comfortable in front of a group of people. It was wonderful to spend time with people who were all trying to find their way with a business as well. Our coaches were wonderful and I made some really great friends in the class.

Since that first class so many amazing and wonderful things have happened.... I met my friend Nate Murphy who does PR and marketing. We spoke and he proceeded to tell me that he felt that I had a great thing going on and would like to help me with some exposure. I was thrilled and passed him my head shot along with some of my marketing materials and off he went. I had no idea what that might look like. As a result of our time together he has given me multiple ideas on things I can do to expand my brand and to get exposure. He is the man who put me in front of the reporter who did the story on me on KCPQ Channel 13 in Seattle and I was off and running.... I was quoted briefly in a story for CNN Money online and on June 11 I will have a feature article about me in 11 publications in the Sound Publishing family in Kitsap County. Now none of this has resulted in huge sales of videos or people signing up for private sessions but it sure has done a lot to get my story out there and along the way I learned a lot more too.

I am not that great of planner when it comes to my life, I like to go with the moment. I don't like restrictions and I love to have the option to change my mind whenever the mood strikes. I don't like feeling boxed in and yet on some levels I love knowing the space I move in and the routine around it. I am however a risk taker and good at listening to what feels right and when I get the fear to kicked to the curb ideas flood my head and the wheels churn and people show up to help me do things I never thought I would ever do. I had to write a business plan, oh man that was a struggle for me... Mostly because I have multiple pieces to my business and no firm set idea yet on what the magic mix is to be able to support myself doing what I love. I did however get in and sit down and work the numbers and put things together in a way that made sense to me so that I could have a clear idea of just what I would need to make financially to have my business be viable. I put it all together with my logo on the cover, my flyer on the inside, my business card and a copy of my DVD and was happy to turn it in last week for Stuart to review.

Each week I refined my presentation around my story and each week I set up a list of 3 things to do before the next week. Sometimes I was successful and other times not so much. Then last week I answered a Help a Reporter Out request and the result is the story on June 11 in 11 publications. There is a symetry to those numbers. A funny thing happened while I was telling the woman writing the story about what I do to stay sane while still looking for a job. As I shifted into talking about my yoga and what that has done to help me stay sane and how teaching has been a huge source of sanity for me we started talking about my finding a job and how I was shifting my view to thinking I would have to create something for myself and sell it to the right person. It's hard out there for job seekers right now and what I know after everything that has happened in the last 18 months is that I don't want to go back to doing what I was doing, that I have a calling, my path and purpose to do more with my yoga than I thought. As we continued to talk an idea that had been tumbling around in my brain came into sharper focus. An email the day before had things churning and tumbling and the conversation with the writer sharpened it down some more. At the end her comment was " you need to get your proposal put together, put on your selling hat and get out there and sell this. You have a wonderful idea and the passion behind it, don't stop."

The next couple of days more things aligned, I spoke to people, new ideas joined in and the tide started moving forward faster than I anticipated. More people have stepped forward with help and to offer their connections and the proposal is starting to take more shape and have some clarity in my mind. I have hesitated doing some things and making some changes and I didn't know why but I suspect that after what has happened in the last week that something bigger and more involved than I anticipated has come forward and it was good to pause. I have people telling me that I will need employees soon.... I haven't even finalized the proposal yet and I have not figured out how to support myself, yet and people are telling me I will need to hire people and my career adviser has asked me to keep her in mind when I need to hire. Now that moment was a mind bender!! She called me "a freakin powerhouse" and told me that her heart gets full just observing me... We spent a lot of hours working together and where I am coming around to right now is eerily sort of full circle in many senses back to where we started when I walked through her door over a year ago.

All of this and so much more flooded in last night after Stuart said he was glad to know someone who was on TV and I blubbered my way through what I am sure was incomprehensible to most of the others there. I learned more than I could have said in the time we had to talk last night, how to listen, how to trust my ability to mine my past for all of the talent I have accumulated, to lean into my confidence and presence and feel comfortable there, that I need to keep talking and telling people about my ideas and plans and engage them to go along for the ride with me and that hesitation, apprehension and doubt are signs of so many other things that in the end mattered not at all. I will succeed because I believe in what I am doing and I will stick with it until I find the right place, the right people and the right combination to shine my light. The last question, what will I do tomorrow? I will wake up and dream bigger than I did the day before because the only limits are the ones I impose on myself and look at how far I have come in 9 short weeks.... Oh and I will walk the beach because it was too many days since I did it last....

Thank you Stuart for your wonderful class, thank you all of the coaches for your time and energy and support and thank you my fellow students for going on this journey with me. Thank you Nate especially for believing in my story enough to want to connect me up with your connections and get my story out into the world. If anyone had told me nine weeks ago I would be on TV and have an article written about me I would have probably thought that sounds great but how in the world is that going to come about. I wish everyone from the class all the success and joy you deserve and never, ever give up! Hold on to your dreams and find a way to figure out the mix to create the life you want to live and live it fully every single day...

Namaste,

Sherry

The seaweed of life

It's a beautiful day here and I saw that the tide was out so I made my way down to my beach for my daily walk. The seagulls are out, the other song birds are singing to their heart's content and the ferry is doing it's ferry thing, back and forth. As I came up on the other side of the ferry dock I usually stop for a few minutes to sit and look out at the water, watch the ferry and enjoy the space. I was sitting looking at some old pilings that have rotted off and are now close to the ground. They are surrounded by seaweed and with the tide out the tops of them are cloaked and covered with seaweed. It will take the tide coming back in and slowly covering the piling pieces with water for the seaweed to float again and uncover parts of the pilings.

As I sat there thinking and enjoying and getting my vitamin D quota for the day I started to think about how things and people in our life can be like seaweed. Those things and people can cover us up, all the way to the top and when the tide goes out, weigh us down. Then we have to have the tide come back in to get that seaweed to float up and give us space again but usually we come close to or actually drown before the seaweed lifts enough to give us some relief. Those entanglements can be awfully hard to rid ourselves of and usually it is our own doing that gets us in that position to begin with.....

We all have lives filled with things, family, friends, work, play, all the things that we surround ourselves with every day. As I have learned to live with more intention and truly staying plugged in to the moments in my life I have been trying to let go of the "SHOULDS" and stick with what truly works for me at any moment in time. Not because I SHOULD but because it feels right in that particular moment. I know many of my yoga students have very full lives filled with kids, spouses, family members, work, activities and that keeps them sometimes from coming to yoga class. They get caught in the gerbil wheel of life and forget that they need to slow down and recharge, refresh and take care of themselves besides passing out on the couch at night in front of the TV.

I also have students that are caring for their ageing parents and having to make decisions on what to do for long term livability, assisted care and for some the ending days. I have talked with enough of these people to know just how hard this can be as well as having been through it with my grandmother several years ago. Trying to decide what is right, dealing with folks that are resistant to giving up freedoms they have known for a very long time, role reversal in some cases and trying to provide some quality of life during illness both long and short term take a huge toll on those that are doing the arranging. Along with that are the questions concerning certain genetic issues that show up and seeing bits and pieces of your parents in yourself and wondering if you will be facing some of the same issues as you get older.

So many obligations we all have in our lives and trying to find space for balance and knowing when and more importantly HOW to ask for help can be daunting. How many times in your life do you say yes to something when you really wanted to say no? How many times do you just do something yourself because it is easier than asking someone else for help or worrying that it won't get done your way? What is it that holds you back from asking from help? Ask yourself this, do you really spend enough time taking care of yourself, recharging your batteries, filling up your cup and here is the biggest one, sleeping? Life is speeding up, more technology shows up every single day, we are plugged in like never before, have more options, more things to do and more choices than we ever have. Are we really any better off??

I was talking with my friend Sadie who teaches yoga in New York City. We were talking about students and consistent practice. Sadie said that in New York people run themselves ragged out to the end before they really start doing things that are good for them. That she doesn't see the number of consistent practicing yoga students that I do. After visiting her there I can see how that would happen, that place never sleeps from what I could tell. Manhattan island is the same square mileage that my island is but with huge differences in population and buildings. It was interesting having conversations with people, eventually they would ask where I was from and when I told them the Seattle area, the response was always, "Yeah, you have that laid back west coast vibe about you". At first I was thinking maybe I was less than for some reason, but then I started thanking them for the compliment. I would rather be laid back thank you, I know what it is to be stressed and strained and miserable.

The last year and a half for me has been about removing some of the seaweed of my life and slowing down and taking time. I have deepened my yoga practice and certainly deepened my yoga teaching as well. I have peeled back some of the layers of past injuries both physical and emotional with my yoga practice. It hasn't always been fun or easy I will say that.... It has given me in retrospect so many lessons, places of growth and expansion in my daily life both on the mat and off. The low tides of the summer are getting ready to show up in the next month or so and it is always so interesting to see the layers of the sea move back and what is revealed underneath all of that. Treasures and decay and life all come together.

So I leave you with this for the rest of your week: What can you do each day to remove a little of the seaweed of your life, to open and make space, to recharge and renew? Your life will function and flow better if you do a little seaweed cleaning and some self-care. Don't put it off, the time is now.... Get yourself some space, do what feels good, recharge, and sleep. I will say what I always say when people ask, yoga has something for everyone, there is a style and a teacher out there for everyone. What will benefit as a result? Your life, your relationships, your family, your clarity, your concentration, your piece of mind, your body, your heart, your spirit, your well-being and yes even your sleep.....

Try this: Stand with your feet hip width apart, with your weight even over the soles of your feet, arms resting at your sides. With an inhale draw your arms up overhead and as you exhale sweep forward with your knees bending and swinging your arms behind you and throw your breath out behind you, throw your troubles out behind you with your breath, throw the tension and stress out behind you with your breath too. Inhale and bring the body back up, sweeping the arms up overhead and repeat. Do that at least 5 times and notice what happens to your body and your mind.... You will feel better....

Namaste,
Sherry

The BODY

Our physical body that houses our spirit, heart and the knowing that we all come into the world with. What I find is that many people are disconnected from their physical body in some way. From not being aware of the breath and its power to not listening to the signals that it sends us on a daily basis that it is uncomfortable, in pain or needs attention...

I know this well, too well. I am one of the most physcially aware people and have been for most of my life. My mom started me in ballet at the age of 4 and I danced until I was 21. I played softball for 35 years and volleyball for 15. I have been physical most of my life and have had that strength and size to go with it. I am hyper aware of what goes on in and with my body. The piece I had to learn a hard lesson with was the knowing and listening to my heart piece... To learn that lesson my physical body was forced to get my attention in a way I never would have imagined.

In sharing the story I hope to help even just one person who may be suffering either physically or emotionally or spiritually to move forward, get the help they need or realize they are not alone. I struggled with a mystery infection for 2 years of my life. What I thought was a spider bite turned into something that took 6 months, 7 doctors (including an infection specialist), 6 needle aspirations, a mini surgery and one full on surgery, failed lab results and multiple rounds of anti-biotics to find out what I had enough to be able to treat it. A good bedside manner was almost non-existent, compassion sometimes even harder to find. After that it took over a year on high doses of meds to cure. I suffered through intense pain on a daily basis and when they finally figured it out I could barely carry on a conversation I was so riddled with infection. I was told that if I had TB it would have been easier to treat. There were and are no "knowns" with this, even my infection specialist was mainly guessing as to what brought it on. I was told by specialists, doctors and others that I didn't know what I was talking about and my observations and input were negated and discounted. I was sick, not stupid... I lived with this for 2 years and knew intimately what was happening to and inside my body every step of the way.

By the time I made it to the infection specialist I was angry and combative and wanted any new doctor to prove that they had the right to be on my "team"... He had never personally seen it in the body area that I had it and multiple times told me in my pain and continued outbreaks even on meds that he would normally just have it cut out but that would leave me deformed. I remember the only doctor I trusted and who was honest with me when I asked him for it. Early in the process he said that surgery would not necessarily cure it and indiscriminate cutting could in fact spread it. So though I was sick and not myself and feeling more vulnerable than I ever have in my life I was resolute in my stand that no cutting would happen again until and unless someone could prove to me that it would eradicate the infection. I could feel it grow, feel the next outbreak coming slowly up from the cells to the surface and the pain it brought with it. I learned to use my yoga breathing to help with the pain so I could stay away from drugs but it was something I know I will never forget.

I was not myself during this time. Most of my family and friends would tell you that I am one of the strongest people they know. I have been referred to as Superwoman, Xena and Elektra at one time or another. I am no shrinking flower of a woman, at 6 ft tall that isn't ever going to be the case.. I am also along with the physical size a mentally strong person, some would say fierce. I was during this time the "sick" person, the unsure person, weak, scared shitless and lonelier than I have ever been in my life. Unless you have been through traumatic illness you can never know what it truly does to not only your body but your mind and spirit as well. This came at a culmination in time of many things that were going on in my life, some of which I chose not to see. I think my body got to the point that it finally said if you refuse to listen to any other clues this one ought to get your attention in a very big way. Needless to say it did.....

In the end huge change has come as a result of this, some of it very hard, some of it very profound and some of it so filled with wonder I have to stop and be sure that I really pay attention. I still think I am more connected to my body than my heart at times, it is a habit, that space where I can slide into the groove of my body with yoga, dancing, sports... I don't have to think, my muscle memory takes over and the breath unites with my movement and it all just flows in the most amazing way. I lose myself in that moment and it is pure bliss. Yoga had a huge part of the healing that I did after my illness and I continued to teach my classes while I was sick. It gave me something to focus on other than myself which was a huge relief at many points in time. The yoga helped me not just on the mat but also off and I have done some of my most intense study and growth during the last year. Many times I would wish to have a break, just not have to process or deal with one more thing but just like asana practice allows for release and growth and moving through the pain so does the yoga of life off the mat. I came to a whole new place of gratitude, love, acceptance and peace. I have two new tattoos on my forearms to remind myself daily of two very important things in my life, bliss and truth. I stand tall and strong and look back on how far I have come and how far I have yet to go and know that I can move through time and space with grace and gratitude, strength and power.

So for those of you out there that maybe are not plugged in to your heart or your body right now as much as you would like I put this out to you... Do yourself a favor and spend some time with your heart and listen, truly listen. Your heart holds all the wisdom that you need and your body is the conduit. If you don't have a yoga practice I urge you to try a few classes, don't let one class or one teacher be the deciding factor for you. If you are a lapsed yogi, find your way back to the mat. I truly believe there is a style of yoga and an instructor out there for everyone. Do yourself the biggest favor and get thee to a class or a private session or a video. Yoga can and does help you plug in, breathe fully and deeply, move your body and open space. You will sleep better, feel better, think more clearly, and have light in your life.. Yoga is an equal opportunity pursuit, we all have to start somewhere. Please don't ignore what your heart and body may be telling you, the price can be large and navigating your back from the very edge can be very scary.

In parting if nothing else I offer this: Stand tall, feet about hip width apart, stack your body, knees over ankles, hips over knees, shoulders over hips, arms at your side, ball of the pelvis rolling back and down, dropping your tail down, lengthen the spine, roll the ball of the shoulders up and back, letting the shoulders move down your spine, neck extending from the shoulders, head floating on the neck, eyes looking softly off into the distance. Relax your breath all the way down into your belly, moving into a full three part breath, filling the belly, the solar plexus and then your chest and lungs. Weight even across all four corners of the soles of the feet. Now let your eyes close, feel the inner spiral of the legs energetically, starting from the feet moving up the legs like twin barber poles. As you move to the waist drawing the energy from the back of the body around to the front and have it sink into the body and move back again, spinning all the way up the torso and out the crown of the head. Fully feel your body, feet rooted and grounded into the earth, drawing up the energy from the soles all the way up the body. Feel all of your body, your breath, your heart beating, listen in closely your body and heart will tell you all you need to know. Bring your hands up to meet at your heart, taking a deep inhale, exhaling release your head forward, inhaling draw your head back up and slowly open your eyes. Take the feeling of attention with you as you move through your day, stay plugged in to what feels good and what doesn't and most importantly be open to receiving. You never know what will present itself when you are open and willing to receive.

May you know peace and joy, move in health and wellness and open your heart to the love that surrounds you.

Namaste....