Both feet on the ground

Here I sit in front of my computer when I need to be doing other things. I have accomplished quite a bit today, most of my errands and I made the conscious decision not to work out today, just not enough energy. I considered just pushing through and working out anyway, work through it and come out the other side. In the end however I chose to head out and get my errands done instead. I got more done than I anticipated and still have loads to do but I decided to take a pause and sit down and write.

I taught class this morning feeling disjointed, having not slept well and feeling the intense feelings of the fact that I must be completely moved out of my home in 2 weeks. I felt like I didn't have both feet grounded firmly. I had one foot hanging in there ok and trying support the wobbly other foot and leg and the rest of my body feeling like it was blowing in the wind. It's an odd feeling, I have pretty great balance, even on the wonky days. I spent some time walking on the beach, looking at the low, low tide happening. I walked all the way around the point that takes you right out into the shipping lane in Puget Sound when the tide is low like this. I tried to sit in the sun but for some reason today the sun decided to shine and the rain decided to hang around and play too. Nothing seemed quite right.

As I walked back to my house my phone rang and a friend was on the other end of the line. We ended up talking for over an hour and it was relaxing and comforting to spend time talking to him. He is a great listener, asks great questions and always has great responses. He also offered some interesting new ideas for me to explore and gentle encouragement when I really needed it. I hadn't planned to share all that was blazing around in my brain pan but he has such an easy way about him that I felt like it was ok to share some of those fiery thoughts. By the end of the conversation that other wobbly foot was firmly planted back beside the other one and I felt some balance that I had been sorely lacking.

The funny thing was I had tried many of the other things for me that usually bring balance, yoga, meditation, walking the beach, talking to friends. Why this particular friend at this moment in time was the one that stepped in to fill that space I don't know but it happened and though at first I meant put on a bright shine to things I let myself be honest on this particular phone call and was happy to find that it helped bring me right back to where I found balance.

Being vulnerable can be a scary experience, I see it so much in new yoga students and always do my best to welcome them into a safe and fun experience. Asking for help whether it is with yoga or any other aspect of your life is hard at times and there may be times when you are rebuffed and left feeling that you never want to do that again. Then the right person or circumstance steps forward and you have to trust that it is right to move into that space. I firmly believe that everyone we meet and have in our lives is there for a specific purpose and those change with time and you may not realize what it was they were to bring until much later. Staying open even when you want nothing more than to run and hide allows what you need to come to you.

So take the time to be honest with yourself and what your needs are, do your best to take really good care of yourself and when things still seem out of balance hang in there. Don't shut down, stay open, know and trust that what you need will step forward to meet you if you allow yourself to be open to receive it. And don't forget to keep your breath moving deeply into your body and relaxing with every exhale.

Namaste,

Sherry

Letting go....

It's been a little while since I have posted, many things changing and moving in my life precluded me finding the time and thoughts to sit and post. I am in the process of moving out my old life and moving into a brand new space. I have found myself going through things that I have had in my life and deciding is this something that I need to keep, do I love it, will I have room for it?

I start my yoga classes with breathing, drawing the focus inward, drawing the breath deeper, drawing the attention into the breath and at one point on the exhale giving the direction to release, relax and let go. Letting go of your day, your week, where you came from, where you will go and anything that may be weighing heavy on your heart and mind. Permission to let go, sometimes we need someone else to give us that permission.

The last week has been stressful, clearing out, selling what I no longer need or want, trying to figure just what will fit into a new much smaller space to live and along with that letting go of the memories both good and bad that are tugging me backward instead of forward. I haven't slept as well as I would like and well I have been stressed out about that too.. I got a comment from a friend that I have heard before, "strange to hear that a yoga instructor is stressed out.". Well even yoga instructors can and do get stressed out. I don't live in blissed out yoga zen 24 hours a day. My personal practice is just as much a journey for me as it is for any other student of yoga. Just because I also teach doesn't make me immune. What it does do for me is that it gives me a way to explore, learn and then pass on what I have experienced to my students in the hopes that I can help someone who may be struggling with some of the same things that I do...

I know from experience that holding on tightly doesn't work and many times makes things worse. I have had to get really good with change, release and letting go in the last 18 months. Do I like it any better than before, not so much... But I do know that I can and will move through and come out the other side and the more I resist the harder I make it for myself.

So today was a garage sale that unloaded a lot of my stuff, I sold some furniture to a friend that I no longer want and every penny goes into my new furniture fund. It was hard work going through all that stuff and deciding what to sell and for how much but I feel so much lighter and excited to pick out new things that are just mine, to build a new home that is a reflection of the me I am today. I will be homeless for about six weeks until I move into my new space and this has concerned some people but really for me I am looking at it as a vacation!! A vacation from my life as it was giving me space to relax and release before moving into a brand new space that feels so good. A healing space and one that will be what I create just for me.

As someone who holds on to things thinking I may need it at some point or it has some sentimental attachment for me I had a lot of stuff, some of it I forgot I even had. A few of the things that mean the most to me will go into my new home but once I got over the sense of loss and honed in on the sense of openness and room for new and wonderful things to come in to fill the cleaned out spaces I felt light and happy and free.

So what is it that you may be holding on to, what things do you keep dragging with you mentally of physically from space to space? Do you need all that stuff? Wouldn't you love to feel free? Close your eyes, drop your breath down into your belly, relax your shoulders down your spine with your exhale. Check in with your heart and think about letting go of something, small, big and anywhere in between. Just start somewhere and allow yourself to release and know that you will be safe and life will be there for you. A little lightness is good for the soul, the heart and the mind... And remember you are not the only one letting go, I am right there with you.

Namaste,

Sherry