Here I sit in front of my computer when I need to be doing other things. I have accomplished quite a bit today, most of my errands and I made the conscious decision not to work out today, just not enough energy. I considered just pushing through and working out anyway, work through it and come out the other side. In the end however I chose to head out and get my errands done instead. I got more done than I anticipated and still have loads to do but I decided to take a pause and sit down and write.
I taught class this morning feeling disjointed, having not slept well and feeling the intense feelings of the fact that I must be completely moved out of my home in 2 weeks. I felt like I didn't have both feet grounded firmly. I had one foot hanging in there ok and trying support the wobbly other foot and leg and the rest of my body feeling like it was blowing in the wind. It's an odd feeling, I have pretty great balance, even on the wonky days. I spent some time walking on the beach, looking at the low, low tide happening. I walked all the way around the point that takes you right out into the shipping lane in Puget Sound when the tide is low like this. I tried to sit in the sun but for some reason today the sun decided to shine and the rain decided to hang around and play too. Nothing seemed quite right.
As I walked back to my house my phone rang and a friend was on the other end of the line. We ended up talking for over an hour and it was relaxing and comforting to spend time talking to him. He is a great listener, asks great questions and always has great responses. He also offered some interesting new ideas for me to explore and gentle encouragement when I really needed it. I hadn't planned to share all that was blazing around in my brain pan but he has such an easy way about him that I felt like it was ok to share some of those fiery thoughts. By the end of the conversation that other wobbly foot was firmly planted back beside the other one and I felt some balance that I had been sorely lacking.
The funny thing was I had tried many of the other things for me that usually bring balance, yoga, meditation, walking the beach, talking to friends. Why this particular friend at this moment in time was the one that stepped in to fill that space I don't know but it happened and though at first I meant put on a bright shine to things I let myself be honest on this particular phone call and was happy to find that it helped bring me right back to where I found balance.
Being vulnerable can be a scary experience, I see it so much in new yoga students and always do my best to welcome them into a safe and fun experience. Asking for help whether it is with yoga or any other aspect of your life is hard at times and there may be times when you are rebuffed and left feeling that you never want to do that again. Then the right person or circumstance steps forward and you have to trust that it is right to move into that space. I firmly believe that everyone we meet and have in our lives is there for a specific purpose and those change with time and you may not realize what it was they were to bring until much later. Staying open even when you want nothing more than to run and hide allows what you need to come to you.
So take the time to be honest with yourself and what your needs are, do your best to take really good care of yourself and when things still seem out of balance hang in there. Don't shut down, stay open, know and trust that what you need will step forward to meet you if you allow yourself to be open to receive it. And don't forget to keep your breath moving deeply into your body and relaxing with every exhale.
Namaste,
Sherry
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